@Powderfinger - wrote
Hi, I do not know where to start even within myself. I actually for the first time in a very long time have trouble speaking. I don't speak slot or engage a lot. Don't know why either. It's hard to find words most days.
I'm still fighting for my life. I'm.not out if the woods entirely. Getting out of this big black hole us going to take time.
It sounds like you were ready to leave the relationship you did. Letting go of a toxic friendship around the same time is a big one in itself.
Coronairus has changed the entire world. I can't think about it most days. I struggled with how the world responded. It has left me with a really I'll view of humanity.
Then there was the killing of George Floyd, which was beyond any response I could even muster. Yes, it has been happening for such a very long time. The whole world saw this though. I do want all four police officers to be given double life sentences with no chance of parole. They took two lives, George's and his mother's. I keep an eye what is going on when I can manage.
I wrote an article when it happened. One of the hardest articles I have ever written in my career.
There are many things that drive my distaste for the world. I think this year just solidified my feelings even more. I mainly stick to myself now. I help out when I can. Mainly stick to myself though.
I'm sorry there was a terrible post yesterday. I hope the person was dealt with. I'm also very glad that members gathered round each other and supported one another. Just goes to show that online communities can and do work. Proud of the community and I can imagine the strong unity and support.
Thanks for sharing Dec.
Hi @Powderfinger
I feel easier writing my stories here - though it was okay writing where you did
With all that has been happening in your life and also in the public world I am not at all surprised that you and many other people are having trouble speaking - and in your case - also writing - where do we start when there is so much chaos? What do we deal with first? So much has happened this year that I am seriously wondering what causes this but think it's just an accumulation of small details and some get out of control when the public environment gets out of whack - or maybe it has something to do with the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn and it will be all over by the end of the year - I do sort of look at astrology now and again and it's interesting that the world was a bit chaotic in 1995 when this alignment of the planets happened the last time
Enough of that
Breaking off friendships and relationships is always hard whoever decides it is enough - for whatever reasons - I had to break it off with my own parents - as an adult I had no need for their imput into the difficult and heart-breaking decisions I had to make during those tough years and also - my sister said they drove me away but no - as an adult I chose to leave and it was really hard doing that - so I guess in my old age I feel relieved I made those decisions and can be my own person now - I hope you can reach this stage sooner rather than later but it takes time
And writing or talking about something can make it real when we don't want it to be - so yes - there are things I never say or write but they are true. Getting out of black holes takes time, effort and courage - but I do wish you the best with the process
George Floyd and Black Lives Matter - I do understand the feelings that are stirred up by this really digusting display of police brutality and I am experiencing them from both sides - my father, grand-father and brother were all policemen and I have cousins and other family members who are or have been in the force too - so yes - having police officers behave in such an horrendous manner really bothers me.
And harder than that - my son died in Juvenile Detention - he took his own life so the authorities had no role in this but still - he was an adopted child and I found the truth after he died that his birth father was of indigenous descent and so Black Lives Really Matter to me. I did a lot of research into Aboriginal Deaths in Detention at the time of the Royal Commission and had my son's details added to the stats - I wrote a lot on the subject for the Task Force into Youth Suicide. I have been really active and that was in the past
I might have demonstrated about Black Deaths Matter this year but with the coronavirus and my own aggravated shoulder injury this would not have been wise - after all - I did my bit - I have demonstrated about issues in the past, went on strike once, often written to politicans and news papers - and I can say this - being active when the world seems to be going to (insert whatever word your chose) really helps - when you feel like writing again then write on these subjects even if you just blog it for yourself - it does get the ideas out of your head so they don't run you down - which hurts your life when this happpens -
And you are right - when George Floyd died his mother changed too - I know from experience - my life changed radically after my son died - I am a different person now and I think for a crazy mix-up kid he gave me a wonderful gift - many actually - I am a much better and more articulate person now - I was studying at university when he died - part time - and graduated with honours a few years later - I was like a Phoenix rising from the ashes -
So - keep to yourself while you need to - life has changed for you and the world for everyone - but plan on moving out when you can - so much has driven you back into yourself so you need to re-evalute you life - so let it change you for the better - I know this can be done - it just takes time
I am glad you shared this - thanks for trusting me
Dec
