I can’t cope

[tyme]

Heya @Captain24 , how you going today?

[Captain24]

Really struggling @tyme. There aren’t even the right words to describe it. That’s allowed anyway. 

I have managed to do a lot though. My house is clean and my washing is done. Most of it ironed. 

I set up my diamond art and I’ve started a new Lego. Plus I’ve written a daily list for my next days off. 

How are you going? 

[tyme]

Good on you for writing a list - at least that will help you get some stuff done and it reduces the cognitive load when if you're feeling crappy...

@Captain24 

I'm sorry to hear things are still so hard at the moment. If things get worse, would you consider reaching out to a crisis line?

I guess it's so important that you get the support you need and sometimes, just talking to someone can help. 

I'm okay. Trying to get stuff sorted but I'm haven't really made it very far. I'm leaving early early tomorrow morning.

[Captain24]

I’m hoping that I can clean out my spare rooms and organise them. Also so I don’t have such a big day the day before I go back to work. Maybe if I have some sort of plan it may keep me in a sort of routine. @tyme 

I reached out to a crisis line twice the other night and all they said was to pat my dogs. That’s not much help when they were already sitting on me. 

Im scared if I talk to them someone will appear at my door. I don’t want that.

I don’t see my psych for another 10 days so it’s a while for my regular supports. 

We are so different. I want my spare rooms sorted so that it’s easier when the sitters come and stay in August. 

You will get there. You can always sleep on the plane! Is it a long flight? 

[tyme]

Yikes!  You are already preparing for August house sitters @Captain24 !

I haven't even started packing... I'm just looking at stuff stuff and more stuff... my house is a mess. I only cleaned my bathroom today. 

The flight will be LONG.

[Captain24]

Just to make it easier when the time comes @tyme. If you saw those rooms you would completely understand!! It’s the adhd rooms where you just throw everything in! 

Can you write a list of what you need? Would that make it less overwhelming? 

[tyme]

It's not really too overwhelming - yet @Captain24 . There's stress, but I'm sorta chilling too.

I'm looking at the messy house... not THAT"s the stressful part.

I'm glad you are getting the rooms sorted now. It's good you are so prepared.

[Captain24]

If I was there I’d help you @tyme. At least you have a clean bathroom. 

Messy house stress gets to me too. I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to turn up to my door last night. I was stressing obviously also I was worried about the state of my house. It took me ages to go to sleep, I was scared. 

It’ll get messy again before then but hopefully it won’t be as bad.

Im even thinking about what Lego to take! Just do I don’t do it before. It was nice to have a clean kitchen bench and able to start some Lego. I have done quite a bit of Lego today. I haven’t enjoyed it but I have been able to make myself do it. 

I really am trying to help myself. I’m just really failing as it’s not helping me at all. It hasn’t helped with my thoughts or the urge I have. 

[tyme]

I believe you @Captain24 . I know sometimes you don't even have the energy to believe in yourself, but in real life, I reckon I'd love working with you. 

Who knows? In a few years time, you'll be standing on the podium sharing your lived experience!

Also, with your peer worker training that you did, what happens now? I mean your work one.

[Captain24]

Thanks for believing in me @tyme. I don’t have any belief in me. I don’t think I’ll make it through this time. 

I’ll never be standing in a podium!!!! 

I don’t know what happens now. I’m just a registered MH first aider. I’m thinking it was maybe to tick a box. Who knows.