@Captain24 wow darlin, I am sorry that this is the conclusion you've come to. It's not
@Captain24 wrote:
What good have I done in the world? How have I been a good person. I know that I’m not. .
You know, this reminds me of something I remember reading during my counselling degree. I think it was Carl Rogers, he spoke about human suffering being the result of a gap between the person we are inside, and who we present to the world. He called it 'authenticity' when these two things were in alignment.
You're touching on some existential questions here hun. What is the worth of a single human life? Do we only have it when we have contributed something to the world? Is that what makes us good?
Or is goodness to strive to be kind and helpful to those around us?
These aren't questions that have answers. You are the only person who gets to decide what is meaningful to you.
So what would be meaningful? What would it look like if you were a 'person who did good in the world'? And how can you start taking steps towards becoming that person?
@Captain24 wrote:
If feel like I’m failing at life. I can’t get myself out of this depressive episode. Even when there is a little improvement it goes back. Am I not trying hard enough? Am I just too exhausted to care about myself? If I can get my life to move forward then I see that as failure.
Gentle reminder that our narratives create our experience. If you repeatedly tell yourself and others that you 'feel like you're failing at life' then failing at life is what you are.
I don't personally think you're failing at life, but your opinion of yourself actually matters more than mine! Cos I will tell you that and because you believe differently, it might reinforce that 'failure' feeling all over again anyway!
What would happen if instead, you started telling yourself over and over that 'you're doing your best'? Make it into like, an automatic response. Every single time you hear yourself say or think 'I'm a failure' respond to yourself with 'nah I'm not, I'm trying my best. It's just really hard.'
Over n over n over, same way you do with 'I'm a failure'.... so it starts to stick!
Tricky part is when you mess up reminding yourself that you're doing your best, so you feel like a failure at trying not to feel like a failure.... hahaha have you been in that funky lil headspace yourself?
Hugs hun, recovery is literally dizzying at times - we can hit pause at any time 😉
