Recovering from a break-up

[HopeDream]

Hello,

Just wanted to share my story here. My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago, and although we didn't date for very long, I miss him a lot. He was someone that I grew to care about very deeply in a short period of time, and it hurts not being able to see him or talk to him...it's like, no matter what I do, he's always on my mind. I try to distract myself by doing other activities and spending time with friends, but thoughts of him always return.

I think it hurts because initially, I really thought he was someone I could have a future with. He was a caring, kind, loving and sensitive soul, someone who always made time to see me, and who did little things to make me happy...but unfortunately, eventually I realised that our values and life goals did not align. So even though I know the break-up was the right thing to do, it still makes me sad about what could've been.

If anyone has any advice/words of wisdom, I'd greatly appreciate that.

- HopeDream

[tyme]

Hey @HopeDream ,

Thank you for sharing. I hear the grief and loss from your experiences and want to acknowledge the pain the comes with it.

It’s certainly not easy, but in all this, YOU are most important.

We can often consider the if’s and but’s of life, and while there’s room

for that, I’d encourage you to focus on YOU and what is going to help you move forward.

I want to leave this space open for you to talk about what you want to celebrate or remember from the time with your boyfriend, and at the same time, consider what you want for yourself in the future.

Take care, hun.

[HopeDream]

Hi @tyme 

Thank you so much for your reply. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately, and I do think the break-up was the best decision for both of us. He made me realise that I need to focus on identifying my own needs/desires and cultivate my own sense of self before I get into a relationship with anyone. And as someone who has anxious attachment, I take break-ups really hard, so focusing on self-care during this time has benefitted me a lot. Spending time with others has helped, too.

- HopeDream

[tyme]

Hey @HopeDream ,

You are not alone in taking break-ups hard. Break-ups in themselves are not easy by nature. So much so that many people are not even willing to take the step to have a relationship in the first place!

The fact that you are working through this break-up shows your strength and resilience. It shows that you are able to reflect on what worked and what didn't work, as a way to move forward.

Please know you are not alone.

We are here for you.

[HopeDream]

Hi @tyme 

Thank you for your response. I think my ex was someone who was also greatly affected by the breakup, but he’s not the kind of person to show it, since he’s more of an avoidantly attached person. But at the time, I thought it was because he didn’t care about the relationship and that’s why he didn’t seem affected…and that really hurt my self-esteem. I’m still gradually building up my confidence self-worth, but it’s hard. I’ve always relied on other people for my own happiness, but I realise now that I need to figure out happiness on my own terms. 

- HopeDream

[tyme]

You've hit the nail on the head @HopeDream  You mentioned relying on others to help you feel happy, and now it's about you finding what makes YOU happy and on your terms.

I learnt this, but it took me many years to do so. 

I hear how much your ex is hurting and how he is finding a different approach to managing. And that's okay.

I hope you will be able to find what works for you, so that your life is meaningful and you feel a great sense of satisfaction.

We are here if you need anything.

[HopeDream]

Hi @tyme 

Thank you for your message, I really appreciate it. I guess it's just been hard adjusting to life without him, because I still care about him a lot and worry about how he's doing. But I know that the most important thing for me right now is to look after myself, even if it's difficult.

Right now, I'm on a student placement away from home. It's my first time living away from home, and I've learnt a lot so far, but it's been tough. I guess perhaps I feel a bit lonely? I'm pretty busy throughout the week so I only really get to have downtime on the weekends. When I do get downtime, I can't help but think of my ex and how he's doing, what he's thinking and feeling. It's not productive but it's hard for me to control.

I'll post more updates soon.

- HopeDream

[tyme]

Hi @HopeDream , how is placement going? I'm thinking about you and know what you mean be feeling somewhat lonely. 

What else have you been up while being away?

[HopeDream]

Hi @tyme 

Thank you for your response. I have been slowly adjusting to living away from family, but it's hard. Some days I just feel so tired that I can't do anything. Sometimes I even wonder what I'm doing all of this for...but I hope the answer will reveal itself eventually. I have three more weeks of placement and then I'm back home; I hope these next few weeks will pass by quickly.

- HopeDream

[tyme]

Take it easy @HopeDream 

Look after yourself. 

How is placement going for you anyway?