SPRING-Clean Declutter - Need Help

[Former-Member]

The ALL-YEAR-ROUND job of DECLUTTERING and CLEANING our homes is daunting. Especially for those of us who HOARD, or struggle with depression, and decisions, anxiety & other MI. I'm so challenged in this way so reaching out for support. Maybe start an Declutterers Army 💪

If you suffer the same challenge or have some great suggestions - type away... 💙💜💙💜💙💜💙

[Former-Member]

I really need help, practical tips & emotional support (not pressure) to d'clutter, scale back, spring clean, sell up, move house (downsize).
WHY?
- to try get unstuck (dying here), but mostly practical reasons
- to unburden myself of unviable financial, social, health & physical burdens. I have physical Health problems starting to limit mobility (esp steps & yard work). This small town community is insular with poor services and not much to do. My house is over a century old, broken 4BR cottage often requiring inaffordable tradies.

Every time i've tried to declutter - Anxiety, Complicated Grief and Depression gang up against me from the inside and stop progress - I become discouraged 😥 confused 😲 (cant make decisions) 😦 - what to keep? what if i need it? will any givers be offended 😱 everyone expects me to fail again anyway... 😖 ... 😒 Social phobia catches up with other MIs and... 😟😞 It ads to the pressure when rude shallow onlookers (near everyone irl) put their two bobs worth 😏😞 - with their 'just do's' & 'you should's...' & 'I did it back when... or 'I knew someone...' - prattling off long lists of successful stories that make my effort look pathetic. OR they compare - gloat how thi one or that could do it while *raising 10 kidz *holding down a full time job and *finishing a PhD... etc blar-blar! (slight exageration there to make a point lol). What i actually hear them say is "you have.nothing else to do - just do it!!!" And they're right - i only have me, 8-16hrs casual work, no spare money, no dependants, no study, no hubby or cuddle companion, poor emotional stability? no close friends or family, no in home help or community support worker, near no practical support, no fitness, no clear future... See how depressing it is?
Every time, i've tried, every spring, for years now - i end up falling in a heap hating myself & life 😳

Moving house aside - I just want help to do first things first, the little jobs & decisions and also to hear how each of you copes - what's normal...

@soul, @Maggie, @Faith-and-Hope, @,Dec, @utopia, and anyone... All welcome.

This is a good Q to put out there first:
Today I stacked all my sauspans together, sooooo many! Can't decide which ones to get rid of... & keep? Theyre all wonderful. What do you think?

[soul]

Massively impressed by your plan to declutter @Former-Member. Probably the most important thing is to tackle one area at a time, even one cupboard at a time. Otherwise it can be overwhelming. It really is quite amazing how little you really need and can by with. 

I lost everything in my divorce - was overseas at the time. I had to start from scratch when I returned to Oz. 

Saucepans - three is fine. I only have two. 

Everything will come under one of these four categories - keep, sell, give away, throw away. 

You will be amazed how good you will feel once you start. Be warned, sometimes it's difficult to see the progress along the way. 

Looking forward to seeing tips from other peeps. All the best.

[Former-Member]

Hi @soul, how was your day? Sorry to hear you lost everything in your divorce overseas 😞 That's rough, not fair. Thanks for your reply, for saying you are "Massively impressed by plan to declutter" 👍 And for your great tips

SOUL'S DECLUTTER TIPS:
¶ DO ONE AREA AT A TIME: " Tackle one area at a time" One cupboard, one drawer, one corner...
¶ SAUCEPANS - three is fine.
¶ CATEGORIZE "everything goes under one of four categories: KEEP, SELL, GIVE, THROW.
¶ DON'T BE DISCOURAGED "Warning! it's sometimes difficult to see progress along the way"

[Maggie]

@Former-Member I've moved twice in the last 18mths and its was horrendous. De cluttering is the way to go and I'm with @soul one area at a time. Sallies will come and pick up what you don't want if you want to give it away, or sell on gumtree. I didn't have help either and the same issues as you have, just slowly does it. Take break in between packing to sit in the sun with a coffee and listen to the birds. We're here listening and caring.

[soul]

Wish I was there to help you @Former-Member. We'd work together, stopping to have a cuppa and a snack. You'd tell me the story behind an ornament or such. 

Yeah, I had relocated taking just a suitcase of clothes with me. Back here my ex decided he wanted to sell the house. I reluctantly agreed and he hired a skip and threw out everything left of mine. My daughter salvaged a few things for me but most of it was gone. Nothing I could do.

When I left Australia I had to pack up where I was living. Had been there for just over a year. Sold what I could. New furniture and appliances went for a third of the cost. Had a garage sale. My neighbour took a lot of things. Was supposed to pay me something for them but after I had left, told me she didn't have the money so she got it all for free - hundreds of dollars worth of stuff. I didn't follow it up. 

At the end of it all, it taught me that these things are just possessions. I have my memories and unless I develop dementia, they will remain. Fortunately I have some photos not all but enough.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member you're starting with the saucepans.  Good.  Divide them into two or even three sets.  Keep one set to use.  Box up the other one (if there is a third one it goes into another box ..... label and set aside.  Use the basic set you kept.  You will soon know if you are short a saucepan or two in a specific size, and can retrieve those from the boxes.

You will begin to feel how fresh it is to be working with only what you need in terms of pans .... unencumbered.  You can go through the utensils drawer next, and things like graters and strainers.  Whatever you have unnecessary extras of can be divided into the saucepan box / es and you will begin to notice that they become a kitchen set.  They can be sold or given away like that, perhaps to someone moving into or out of their own home. 

Started writing the above last night then fell asleep ....

You may find that boxing up the extra stuff helps to remove you from it emotionally, making it easier to let go.  If we relinquish something, it creates space in our life to receive something else in its place.

[CheerBear]

Hi @Former-Member

I've moved around heaps and am facing another move (hopefully) soon. It can be so stressful, painful, emotionally and physically trying, and just lots of different types of tough. Maybe we can encourage each other 🙂 

I've parted ways with lots of 'stuff' for different reasons over the years. At the start of this year I completely cleaned out and sorted through everything we had. I did it out of anger, rage, frustration, fear, sadness, grief etc. I had a line in the garage that separated 'keep' and 'get rid of', and my plan was to keep as little as I could. I did it so quickly and fiercely and at the time it felt really cathartic. As a collector of things, this is not something I could have ever expected to find myself doing. It felt like a switch had been flicked and I found myself questioning what the point in any of it was. I asked myself why do I have this? What is its purpose? What does it mean? It was tricky.

I realised that lots of my stuff had either outlived it's purpose (then it went in the donate/giveaway/skip) or that it was something that was attached to a memory or a person. With the things that came with a deeper meaning, I asked myself whether I had other things that I had kept that had the same or similar meaning, and whether I was effectively 'doubling up' in keeping them all. I kept some small and meaningful things, and the rest went.

In saying that, everyone is different and I think it's really important to honour yourself and how you are feeling, trying not to compare it with others and trying to shut out comparisons others make between you and someone else. I can understand how important and significant 'stuff' might be given you have so few people around, and how painful it can be to question the purpose of those things.

As for practical tips, the most helpful thing I found were plastic storage tubs. I found stackable sturdy tubs on special and picked up quite a few. Each of us have one for sentimental keepsake things, and I keep things like Christmas stuff, crafty supplies, board games etc in the others. I love them. I can see through the sides of them so I know what's in them, they stack neatly and can be rolled out if I need, and they keep the amount of 'stuff' contained (literally and metaphorically). It gave me something to organise everything in, which helped free up space to sort through other stuff. If you can't get tubs, boxes can work well too if you label the contents of them clearly on the side. I've seen people ask for/give away moving boxes on local community groups before. That could be an option.

I also set aside room in the garage for things for donation and waited until I'd finished going through the whole house before I got rid of it all. I called for a collection truck to come and pick it all up, which saved me countless trips to drop it off. I did it on a large scale, but perhaps you could do a mini version of it, one room at a time? 

Try to give yourself some credit along the way too. Little bits of progress all add up. Like it seems like you're planning on doing, share the steps you've taken if it helps. It sounds like you're lacking in helpful social support, so leaning on your friends and people here to encourage you along the way might be really helpful. Also you could try to reward yourself at the end of a task (or at the beginning or middle if you'd like) even if it is by taking some time out to enjoy a cup of tea, spend some time in the garden, or put some flowers in a vase on a clean tidy table. I find those little treats can really help lift me from the overwhelming feelings of such a big thing. Listening to music helps motivate me to get up and go, and little rewards help me unwind once I have accomplished something. Lists are something that help me so much too! They organise my thoughts, make a plan, keep me on track etc. I have a tendency to go off track and get confused pretty easily, so lists are an essential for me.

The other tip I have is to go as gently as you need. I overdid it, to the extent that I ended up needing a night in emergency thanks to a swollen, scarily purple coloured leg. I hurt myself physically and it wasn't good. This time I will be more mindful of the need for time out too, and try not to go like a bull at a gate. That's the plan anyway 😉

This saying has stuck with me and seems appropriate here. As an animal loving vegetarian, it doesn't quite sit right but it is something that seems to come to mind often and is probably true.

Good luck with it all and looking forward to hearing how you get on 🙂

[utopia]

Hi @Former-Member
One cupboard or part of a cupboard at a time.
If you have two or more sets of similar things - keep one set.
If the clothes don't fit - off to the op shop they go.
If you are truly struggling with an item or two - put them in a box or laundry basket (@faith-and-hope loves laundry baskets) - marked 'to be decided later'. Not all decisions have to be made that moment. When struggling - take a coffee break - in a different room. After relaxing - maybe then you could make a decision.
Dishes, saucepans, etc. Look at what is light to hold. Don't keep the heavy things. Think of your body (aging and aches - in the future). What set would be easiest, lightest to use?
One step at a time
See if you could allocate 30 minutes a day to one room. In a week that room is going to be spiffy. And that may then help you move to another room and start there.

[soul]

I reckon we should organise a working bee  @Former-Member place. What do you think @utopia@CheerBear@Faith-and-Hope@Maggie? We'd get the job done in no time.