Life can be a Pain

[Anastasia]

Dear @Owlunar 

I am only seeing your earlier message now. My eye sight is affected with my headaches so I will blame that 🙂 It's almost gone now so grateful for the meds.

Thank you for responding, yes I totally understand about your boy, it sounds like whilst our paths are somewhat different we have mutual experiences around our boys and their relationships. Again, I send out the biggest hug to you as I know what a beautiful Mumma you would have been for him and my heart breaks. When I thought I was going to lose my boy in hospital I was beyond terrified, so my words really can't explain what I want to portray other than every cell in my body has the utmost repect for you in every way. I am glad we have crossed paths, I really am.

Forgiveness is never easy but you are right, I think this fits...again the tmost respect for you xox

 

You never have to explain why you didn't get straight back to me, I understand. 

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Anastasia 

I do understand and I am glad your headache is easing - sinus issues do affect my eyesight too

And so great to get big hugs in the beautiful Mumma department - I was often at the end of my tether with him but also practising Tough Love - which is not an easy path - but I never gave up on him and visited him in the Juvenile Justice Centre 2 or 3 times a week when I could - and this is far beyong what many other parents do. 

The thought of  you thinking you might lose your son in hospital - really and truly - every cell in my body feels that too - I knew my son was going to succeed with his self-destructive behaviour and I could feel that intensely - 

I am also glad we have crossed paths - and what you are saying is wonderful to read

Dec

[Anastasia]

Oh @Owlunar 

You have been so supportive and yet you are struggling yourself today, I am so sorry to hear.

Your daughter's surgery and the uncertainty around it is definitely cause for you to be feeling upset. As @Appleblossom suggested hopefully the restrictions should be lifted soon. Common sense will hopefully prevail!  Yes, you certainly have good reason to be finding it hard to get on with your day today. 

As far as your surgery, that is a huge weight to bear I am so sorry , will you organise this as well once restrictions are lifted?

It always hurts when any relationship ends, even if it is your choice, but if it is not a healthy one then it is necessary and you have made the right choice. I am just sorry it hurts and you feel bad, that is because you have a big heart. Again Apple has hit the nail on the head, there are a lot of people around that are "all about them" and you definitely don't need that at any time in your life, especially now.

I hope the politics and red tape is sorted quickly so you  can sit in the front seat, blo0*y Covid, it really has a lot to answer to.

[Appleblossom]

Felt the terror of losing people in the past, and feeling it a little again, with the tiny choices with big consequences, that son has made.  How can you feel that terrror a little?  Trying not get hysterical, takes a lot of work, keeping my breath calm etc, making wholesome choices, as you ladies know well.

@Owlunar @Anastasia 

My son is with his father today, which he told me with an edge in his voice, which is totally dumb as I put a lot of effort into him always having and seeing his father.  I will call son tomorrow.

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Anastasia 

You are so wonderfully understanding - I think I am tired and all of life's troubles come in their own time and we can only do what is possible when it is possible and life is a lot about waiting after all

I need a knee replacement and a shoulder replacement - I inherited the tendency to develop arthritis from my grandmother and I have lived longer than her now - we were both very active people and sometimes stuff happens

And for my spine an operation for Degenerative Disc Disease isn't advised - it would be a huge operation fusing my whole lumbar spine and it's just not happening - and for the joint replacement surgeries I am having injections of local anaesthetic injection into the nerves of my knee and my shoulder was a RF (radio-frequency) procedure to put the nerves to sleep and they have worked very well though when the lock-down is over I will be having them done again - to me this is better than having joint replacements because at my age the prognosis isn't good and I just don't have the time to waste having long recovery times - I want to get some more of travelling in Australia done while I can

My daughter is much younger of course - the prognosis is good from what she says and from what I have read. I love anatomy and actually did a course in the formal study of anatomy a long time ago - and I am just so interested I keep reading the internet - and I have found where to find the information I seek - not just a Dr Google fan - though Dr Google is fine too

Having my daughter in hospital and now at home and not recovering very well is stressful - there isn't anything I can do about it except talk on the phone and we do - the lock-down is hurting me now but all things pass and this will to - the lock-down and elective surgery etc - so I can just wait. I was lucky myself to have my shoulder procedure when I did - I was one of the last patients to have elective surgery in the private hospital I attended

And yes - I had to end my relationship with a person I could have gone to the movies with - but it was toxic and that is hard to explain to the person concerned without making it all about them and their issues - so I hope she takes the hint - I am not by nature unkind and I extend that to myself - so yes - today I feel is just one of those days.

And COVID does have a lot to answer for - world-wide. There are places and there are many that have not done it well. My case worker has most likely been overwhelmed with the needs of her clients but she is so strange at times - it was suggested to me yesterday than I might need to review my case-worker - but maybe right now - just let this pass and hope I get an answer before I go out tomorrow

I do like to be supportive - that's true - today I think I need it - it could be time for a coffee

And I love the quote you posted about Forgiveness - it is indeed for our own well-being - I found it fantastic to forgive and remember not to take it back - my mother - after all - has passed on and nothing can change with her - only with me

Thanks for your understanding and support

Dec

[TAB]

There will be others @Owlunar had to cut people off too also should have cut some off years before did hindsight 20-20
If it doesn't work it doesn't work

[Owlunar]

So true Tabs - better to do it sooner than later and let's not drag it out

Dec

@TAB 

[Anastasia]

Oh @Appleblossom 

I a sensing your uneasiness even through the computer... we cannot change what choices our boys make but it does not make it any easier to "deal" with. Sending you the biggest hug. 

I hope the phone call tomorrow eases some of your worry. xxx

[TAB]

Just more misunderstandings @Owlunar

[Owlunar]

Yes @TAB - misunderstandings - 

And thanks @Anastasia 

Your being able to sense my uneasiness on line is pretty good and they are lovely flowers - thank you

And I had a phonecall from my case worker - how easy - I can sit in the front seat of any car I am a passenger in

I am feeling much better today - I have decided to write a short note to the lady with the motor-mouth - not complaining about her yakkety-yak but just saying I have too many things on my mind right now and sorry I can't talk atm

I think this is best and then block her number

Thanks everyone for your thoughts

Dec