A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

[Emelia8]

Thank you dear sweet @Clawde  💕🤗🌹

[Sophia1]

oh @Clawde 

what a beautiful, heartfelt response for @Emelia8 

I agree wholeheartedly..

Sophia 💜

[Bow]

Know that today is a difficult day for you @Emelia8  and I know it's not much but want to remind you that you are somebody. That you are loved and valued and greatly appreciated. 💕

[Anastasia]

@Emelia8 🎁

Thoughts are with you today 💞

[Emelia8]

Thank you for your posts this morning @Bow @Anastasia 🙏💞🤗

Thank you also to all of you for your recent posts @Sophia1 @Clawde @outlander @Eve7 @Shaz51 @BlueBay @Former-Member @Appleblossom @NatureLover @WIP @HenryX @Peri @Snowie @Bunniekins  @ShiningStar @BPDSurvivor @Jynx @Faith-and-Hope and anyone else I may have missed from the past few weeks, while not posting much.

As per my post to the Worry Room thread ... today should be my 24th wedding anniversary, had my husband not passed away in April.  Despite everything, I loved him very much.  So why can't I think of the many happy times we shared together, today of all days? Instead I am being bombarded by memories of bad times, of cruel things he used to say to me.  I feel worthless and without purpose. 

Why is it that you believe the bad things others say of you, but tend to brush off the complimentary things?  My husband would tell me regularly that I was a nobody until I met him, and that without him ... I was nothing.  I think when you are told this enough times, it just becomes fact in your own mind.  So, now that I am without him ... I have once again become nothing, a nobody.  

I think that today, not only am I grieving the loss of my partner, but also of who I used to be.  And perhaps who I could have been?

Emelia 😢💔

[TideisTurning]

It sounds like today is really tough @Emelia8, though that's perfectly understandable, and completely ok. You mentioned this is the first without him, and I know firsts are often the hardest of all. As much as it sucks, I've also found that the bad memories are the ones that tend to stick a bit more in memory than good. I'm wondering, if its something you feel would be helpful for you, whether you'd like to share some of those good memories with us here as they come to you? I've found that for me, sometimes sharing the stories can help make those good memories come alive again. 

I'd also like to mention that I know you are well liked and highly valued by many here who care about you. Please know there's many of us sitting here with you, thinking of you and that you don't have to go through this alone. If you do feel like you could use some extra support around this time, SANE's Helpcentre is open until 10pm this evening if you'd like to speak to someone non-urgently or there is SANE's peer support service you can reach out to connect with someone between 10am-4pm Monday-Friday. Griefline also have a range of resources and supports you might like to check out. Wishing you all the very best in this difficult time and sending whatever strength you may need to get through, 

TideisTurning 🌺 

[Former-Member]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this @Emelia8 

You are definitely a good person. I often see the positive messages you send to people. 
You are such a nice, caring person. 
Never let anyone tell you differently. 
I do understand. Sorry that today is such a difficult day for you. 
Lots of love to you. 💖

[Emelia8]

Thanks @TideisTurning , I will give some thought to one of the help lines you mentioned.  🙏🌸

Hi @Former-Member ... thank you and I love the flowers. 🌹

[Eve7]

Hi @Emelia8 , I acknowledge that today you have both happy and sad memories.

Your h did well when he met you and it’s obvious that, at times he couldn’t see past the end of his nose 👃 

I see you as an amazing, loving, kindhearted, sensible wife who went above and beyond her duty. Now is your time to shine. Wear your prettiest dress, have a manicure, do your hair, have a facial and a massage then order your favourite meal. Spend hubby’s money to pay for it and be a princess. You deserve no less.

Live you 💜💖💜

[Emelia8]

Awwww thank you @Eve7 🙏 you are very kind. 😊💖

No, I dont feel like going out anywhere, but will try to make something nice for dinner.

Happy to hear you are feeling a bit better today 👍 but disappointed for you that you are not deemed well enough yet to go home. Are you still all wired up to monitoring equipment?  Perhaps you are having more tests today?  Home soon I hope. 💞