Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[TAB]

yes. limited contact across all @PeppyPatti , one, no contact at all

[fern7]

I think its very understandable that people want connection and it could be easy to feel that having that through dating feels good. 

Makes sense if feeling isolated or lonely connection is important and helps us feel seen. 

Regarding NDIS coordinator if ex has opportunity to use funding for social and community support that could help. 

My daughter with bipolar has often made concerning mistakes when not well I have made it a no shame environment which helps for truth telling and support.

It sounds like you offered a place where honestly can take place. 

[PeppyPatti]

Yeah @fern7 

I left him because he got verbally dangerous. I needed to go but we divorced a couple to 3 years. 

My partner and I have a no shame environment. I personally don't want to make the loss of all that money and issue but want him to have two friends who honestly care about him and can support him. 

But am just beginning to notice my partner is both burned out and needs a break from the constant needs my ex husband asks for. 

My partner is the one I'm trying to be gentle with. It's just a weird situation. 

[Shaz51]

@PeppyPatti , I agree with @TAB , you need to look after you my sister ❤️ 

[PeppyPatti]

Dear @Shaz51 @fern7 @Glisten @Tilz 

Yes, this is very apparent to me that I need to self care. There is no love there but we both have a desire for him to have the best life. It’s weird to me because for 10 years, I cared for him and now I am not into self care. 

I had a vision that he just wants a friendship too. There is no …… how dare you left me but more like, let’s be friends and get through life. But it’s also very important that we both care for ourselves. 

How do you do this @fern7 

[Glisten]

@PeppyPatti  where do you spend your effort and energy?

@tyme @Shaz51 @Jynx wasn’t there a Peer Group Chat or Forum post on Effort vs Value?

Sometimes when you help someone, you’re not helping. Because that person needs to find other solutions and support networks for themselves. Which they won’t do while you’re there.

Boundaries.

G

[creative_writer]

@PeppyPatti I’m hearings it’s been rough for you. I don’t have the answers right now after a long day. But here sending you hugs and love 💖🫂

[PeppyPatti]

Dear @Glisten 

I did need a reality check and remember who I choose to spend time with. 

My life would be easier if I just focused on my life but my heart, 

My heart needs the harsh realities of boundaries.

Because of you and forumites - my decision was to tell him that 

I'm not in a love relationship with him, only Mr Rocker but our boundaries were too fuzzy and we both needed a rest from him. 

He's coming over tomorrow where Mr Rocker will give him help on a dating site to meet someone by sending messages to older ladies. 

I asked him not to call me. But give me a rest. 

I felt terrible but I'm not his mum. I'm a friend. 

[PeppyPatti]

Jeepers @creative_writer 

Iv just realised that no one - not many people could cope with someone like my ex husband and you have ALL helped me stop something of what I'm used to. 

This is - caring for someone who is horrendously twisty..  like the main caregivers in my life when I was a little girl. 

Because of y'all I stopped it. I chose to respect and embrace my partner and choose the easier road and say in a kind compassionate way that I need peace and put boundaries up.

Omg. 

 

[Glisten]

@PeppyPatti  you don’t know, what you don’t know.

Trying to work out what you are responsible for and what you’re not responsible for, is hard enough.

Life needs to come with a book of instructions.

G