One day at a time

[TMCC]

Hi

 I fell I need to share my situation with someone who understands.

My younger son has been suffering with anxsiatty and depression for about 4 years. Hi condition is taking a huge toll on the whole family. He can be agressive and is totaly non compliant with even the simpleast of requests. His agression was targetted mainly at my wife. It has got to a point where she has moved out because she can not cope with him. I supported this even thoe it breaks my heart as with her at home I would have been caring for 2 people with depression that are at each other all the time.

She has accepted a job working OS. It seems we have both been suffering with what I have termed ASS.

Aquired sadness syndrom. Wheen you aquire layers of sadness that wipe out any enjoyment of life or relationships.My wife started to suffer depression and I have to be honest I went into a shell to protect myself.

I struggle every day to care for my son as I have to repress my feelings of sadness and at times anger for the poisonous effect he has had on those arround him.

At times it seems that knowone has any ansewers as to how to deal with this problem and you are on a merrygoround of doctors and phycologistis.

He is now using me as a target as my wife is OS and I know I will soon be at my witts end.

Thanks

[-karma-]

Welcome @TMCC 

I felt saddened reading your post...

on the other hand you are able to recognise what is happening, and what might be about to unfold. You are now in a perfect situation to seek some support for yourself, if you haven't already.

In many ways sometimes we can not help our loved ones, if they are unwilling to help themselves, rather we need to seek support for ourselves in a caring role, so that we can maintain the distance in continuing to support them.

This might entail getting away for a night or two, catching up for a drink with a friend, or seeking paid support, (in reality, it is most likely going to be a combination of these things).

What's your experience in this area?

Obviously this forum is a great start, connecting with those in like situations.

I'm not sure which state you are in, but if you felt you would like to pursue this idea further let us know and we can provide some links. Alternatively, visiting a GP could be a good start, I'm sure you are exhausted and seeing this as an approach to good health is one way to look at it.

Welcome your thoughts...

[TMCC]

Thanks Karma

 I do make a point to get out on my motorcycle every week.

Time spent doing somthing that demands your total attention also is time to recover resiliance.A friend of mine started swimming laps every day when he was dealing with mental health issues with his wife and he said it got him through. 

The pracice manager ath the clinic where my son has been refered by Headspace also said I should look at some support.

I am connected to services hear in SE QLD.

Thanks it helps to know I can share and hopefuly in time be somone who can help.

[KLH]

Hi TMCC,

Very sad to hear of your situation and experiences. I too have a child who struggles with anxiety and behavioural dysregulation. It can be very hard as a parent to have to go through this every day (I feel we get a lot of stigma and lack of undersatnding, even from family members. People just expect me to smack and the behaviour will stop).

I am sadened that your wife also went OS and that she too had suffered with depression. Life can be very tough and challenging at times. Having  support for yourself, I have found is vital. I called carer's Vic and discussed a carers counsellor. I am able to get sessions through them as well as my GP with a MH plan. So that almost equates to one visit every month. I found this help really important for me and my child. It's a safe place to discuss what is going on and how it makes me feel and how I am able to see things from different perspectives which I may not have thought of before. I always get some kind of (small) homework, to go away and think about.

I have also found as my child is entering puberty the behaviours are changing and more difficult to deal with. I have been told that things will settle down as they get older. I live in hope. Having a good working relationship with the persons support worker is really good too. I have found that I need to touch base with my child's worker every now and again to discuss progress and changing behaviours. I find this really helps. Exercise is a big part of my life and helps reduce carer's stress and fatigue. I hope you keep participating in things that you like doing and your child's health begins to improve.

[TMCC]

Thanks for your support.

My son is now 17 and puberty can be challanging on it's own with out the additional mental health factors.

The challanges we face with him are changing but as I said one day at a time.

I feel that with my wife I am like someone putting a loved one on a life boat from a sinking ship. As sad as it makes me for her to be somware elce, I am heartened knowing that she is doing somthing thst she has always wanted to do and is fulfilled and engaged and away from further harm.

My passion for motorcycles keeps me sane. Everything seems better after a good ride. Getting out into the surf helps as well.

When I had a major back injury 2 years ago I kept saying " fitter faster stronger" and I am now fully recovered ( even my chiropractor is amazed)

With this situation me , my wife and son will happy, fulfilled and engaged in amazing lives.

I know the journy will have it's moments and sometimes I will struggle to believe it will work out. But I will get there.

Thanks again for the support, it makes a difference