Hi @Lilly6
thanks for the reply,
In regards to what I meant, I should clarify and clear things up a bit as it probably wasn't explained as well as it could have been.
When I said things are as they are meant to be, I was referring to the process of which I briefly touched upon in the original post, this is the process of the rungs on the ladder and being ok with the darkness, making a friend of the darkness and validating each and every rung as part of the journey, as experiences and frames of the movie slide which make the whole story, they are only temporary and sometimes they need to occur to get to where things need to be going, they may even break us which in the end may be a good thing as I have found in my own experience to discover the one who was broken and needed to be broken was never who I really am at the core.
So the suicidal thoughts and feelings are viewed as just thoughts, opinions, characters, and to validate their point of view and expression without labelling and judging them (ouselves) as bad and negative, because everything is fundamentally neutral, it is we who give meaning and definition to things and the meaning that we give things determines the effect that we get out of them.
I will give you one good example, when we had the bush fires many people from cities and people who don't know anything about the bush (largely due to fake media who distort the story like the ABC) automatically put a judgement and label on it as a negative and "bad" thing that shouldn't be happening, however this couldn't be further from the truth, there have been many fires throughout history without the influence of humans, it is a natural process of nature to cleanse and renew itself, I live in the bush and I have witnessed and observed this cycle, when the dead bark and leaves accumulate on the Forrest floor, the chances of fire increases and one day, it comes to clear things and that is why responsible fire management such as burning off during cooler seasons can reduce such hot fires from becoming unstoppable raging furnaces, storms which wipe out everything in their path and taking much longer to rejuvenate.
There are some plants, for example such as the grass tree more commonly known as the "black boy" which can live for more than 600 years, this plant NEEDS fire in order to survive and re-produce it's seed, I found some of these plants which where both affected and unaffected by the recent fires, the affected ones where completely black trunks and started sprouting new growth with 1-2 weeks after the fires, however the unaffected ones are also black at a certain point up the trunk due to some past fires. They are living evidence showing their growth since those fires which may have happened more than 100 to 200 years ago, everything now in the bush is growing back and much of the animals where not lost and killed at all as it has all been falsely portrayed by the media.
The animals are not stupid they have existed here for millions of years they know what fire is, they knew well before that fire was coming and they went either underground or simply moved away to safer areas.
Now my point here is that the flames are part of the process and there is no mistake about that, it's meant to happen, renewal cannot happen without destruction/transformation/cleansing of the things standing in the way of that renewal, new plants cannot sprout so easily when the burden of the past of what is dead (leaves and bark) is so dense and heavy on the Forrest floor (also in the mind what is dead from the past the burdens the heaviness of old) and this understanding and analogy is also connected to our own minds and "inner-standing" (to understand the inner), in the case with our own minds and the suffering it is because of those characters standing in our way creating that drama and mess so destruction is a beautiful thing in this sense when it is to destroy and overcome the things that don't serve us.
This destruction doesn't have to take on a negative label either as much of society has been trained to do so, in fact you can do it in a loving and compassionate way which is most recommended, to thank each and every character and what was previously viewed as "bad" to thank them in gratitude because without those characters and rungs on the ladder we wouldn't get to the new ones and there would be no contrast to know what "good" is either. (if there is resistance to thanking them, then that obstacle needs to be investigated too as to why there is resistance and we work through each one at a time, I can do this process however not in this forum, look into self inquiry meditation).
After I went through this phase of everything being hell, even the smallest things made me happy, things that others took for granted, because just about anything was "good" compared to what I had been through and the every day thoughts and feelings of only wanting to die which I simply chose was no longer my story, I let go of that character and yet now looking back on it I'm grateful for it and I know I was meant to be there at that time to go through that and experience the journey, otherwise I'd never be able to help others and understand this process and you never would have read what you did or reading what you are reading now, everything I went through made me very strong and I'm grateful for that, lived experience is something that no book or academic course can teach and when you get through this you will also be very strong too.
So tough times are a gift, it is all a matter of shifting our perception to see things differently.
If you keep saying things are bad and negative then you will be supported in that belief too because you are loved and supported in whatever you choose to be your reality.
It is like sitting at a restaurant and a waiter comes up to you and says "may I have your order please" and then you say "terrible, bad, negative" the waiter then proceeds without judgement because the waiter represents the aspect within us which knows that all views and experiences are valid and part of God, they are all valid expressions of creation so it's then like the waiter saying "ok sure, is that all for today? coming right up".
All of this, all that I have spoken about and written, is a mater of moving from unconsciousness to consciousness, and we can only do that if we have responsibility for our story and what we created (unconsciously), if we don't take responsibility for our own vehicle to take the driver seat and steer the wheel in the direction we prefer then that’s when life becomes literally out of our hands.
So it's a great thing to say “yes I’m responsible for my life, for the creation of where i'm at, it's my story, my journey, I own it.” By doing so only then can it turn into and become what we truly prefer.
Things are the way they are because of past unconscious and programmed thoughts behaviours and actions, it doesn't mean the present and "future"(which is also presence) has to be that way, "so since this is my vehicle I'm going to CHOOSE to take the wheel and own it, because when I choose to do that; I know I can steer it and direct it to where I truly prefer to be."
This is what is required to recognise that where you are is where you are meant to be, for without this process, you may never understand or know the importance and value of being your own driver and becoming your own master, without this rung on the ladder we won’t reach the other ones and there also may be other unforeseen reasons for us to go through what we are going through.
So what I have shared is a way to tame that fire and reduce the fuel load so that the fire is manageable and not a raging out of control storm which destroys more than it needs to, it can be viewed as a kind of map by someone who knows the way to the inner treasure of who and what you really are and this can only truly be known by lived experience and it is for you to discover, so your path and journey is a gift, you are that gift, currently just wrapped up behind layers of wrapping paper (masks/thoughts/identity constructs), it's perfectly fine to be on for example the 4th or 5th layer there's no mistake about it, it's where you are meant to be and that's ok, your journey is unique and beautiful we all have to go through that layer to get to the gift within, you are that gift to the world, just waiting to be unwrapped by you, and only when we unwrap ourselves from the coloured wrapping which is not us (masks, artificial constructs) can we then discover who we really are and the gift that we are within, removing the obstacles just like the fire does, like peeling back the layers of the onion.
Thank you, if you still can't see any value in what you have gone through, then I can tell you that at the very least you have already contributed to a book that will change the world which I am writing by your experience and participation which has helped me also to unlock other views and perspectives within my own being (nothing personal will be shared about you, i'm referring to the mechanics of the mind), you have helped to remind me another analogy to add to my book, my grandma use to keep the wrapping of her presents, she appreciated the wrapping as beautiful and lovely just as much as the gift inside, and this is a great reminder for exactly what I meant when I said that you are where you are meant to be, because it’s the journey that matters, the wrapping paper is part of that experience, and we can either choose to label the wrapping paper as bad and negative and worthless, or we can shift our perception to see it as beautiful and lovely too because without it we would not have the experience of presents and gifts at all, I've never met anyone who doesn’t like receiving and opening gifts, the mystery of what’s inside is what makes it exciting.
So even though we have characters thoughts emotions and behaviours that may be negative or "bad" they are still part of us and our experience, they need to be validated respected and seen that they are also part of creation without judging ourselves, then we can forgive and have compassion and gratitude for ourselves and our journey and we can then move on to grow towards our highest potential.
You aren't wrong about the "sick joke", it's a bit like God taping us on the shoulder to say "just kidding", I went through that experience too, and then I came to recognise and realise that I was the creator of it and that I was responsible, yes the system let’s us all down with it’s unconscious programming, but we chose to participate In that experience, without it I wouldn’t have learnt the human mind/systems and their structural & education systems inside out to then be able to transform them as I will be doing in years to come. We all have a response-ability to transform and create this world to be a better place, and my own path is to help change those old unconscious brainwashing systems by providing more awareness and greater understanding.
The only difference between a crap reality and a wonderful one is either creating unconsciously = crap reality, or creating consciously = infinite wonderful reality of preference.
Self Inquiry meditation and correct yoga (see isha yoga) are both ways to make that unconscious reality into a conscious one.
Well I hope that is sufficient.
Any questions I'm happy to answer
Bless you, oh... wait... God doesn't need to bless itself 
(deeper hint, I won't go into that now)
Bless you anyway;
AUM Namah Shivaya,
May peace and joy shower down upon you cleansing your heart, mind, body and spirit to be liberated from all suffering.
Namaskaram,
Guiding_Light
