My Mosaic

[tyme]

When I meant watching Paramedics, I mean the TV series @Bow  I think I had to watch 30 episodes before there was any reduction in my fear @Bow 

Give it a go if you want. It's an interesting concept. I'd better go, but take care. I'll catch you when I'm on next.

[Bow]

Hey friend @Jynx how are you?

[Jynx]

@Bow bit silly, bit sideways haha insomnia has been very mean. How are you hun? Still in the odd limbo of kittenless silence and house packing chaos?

[Bow]

Oh yuck @Jynx  insomnia! You get that as part of yet adhd? 

yep still missing the kittens, especially of an evening. And yeah packing continues. I packed away more Lego this afternoon. Took down all my shelves and filled the holes in the wall. 
was suppose to have a garage sale yesterday but it was very wet. Hopefully this Sunday instead. 
I been feeling rather overwhelmed. Decision fatigue? All the questions that mum asks about tossing or keeping certain things. Whether this house could work, is it close enough for school… yadda yadda. It has tipped me over the edge a couple of times over the weekend. 

Gp this morning- my brain looks normal. As does my pelvis. 
pdoc tomorrow 😩

[Jynx]

@Bow not really explored what it's related to in the medical sense but if I'm to take a guess, yeah seems most likely culprit. Friday night I literally got cursed by time-blindness cos I was hyperfocused on cleaning (and when I get cleaning energy? OH it's so rare! So I try to utilise it as much as possible ahaha) - I didn't realise until the sun was poking its head out. 

Plus, my other biggest issue seems to be that once something wakes me up in the morning, it's next to impossible for me to doze off again.

Then when your next door neighbour decides that 7am is a reasonable time to start mowing his lawn first thing Saturday morning, it's kinda game over for any chance of sleep in lol

Decision fatigue is totally a thing hey!! Especially with like, so much emotional turbulence involved in some of the decisions hey! And then adding in decisions that have big/far-reaching impacts like choosing a new home, and I am not surprised that you are at capacity!

Maybe you could ask your mum to like, just place ALL the things she's unsure about into a pile, and then when you have the headspace you can come back to it, rather than feeling like she's having to pester you with it kinda thing? 

Also an important thing to remind yourself of (especially if you're like me, and struggle sometimes to prioritise) is to ask yourself "Do I need to make this decision RIGHT NOW? What are the consequences of not choosing or delaying?"

Then you can reserve your exectutive function energy for choices like 'school districts and access to medical care in a new neighbourhood' vs. ending up in frazzle-town cos you absolutely HAD to make a choice on 'do we want to keep this old box of miscellaneous assorted fabrics and newspaper clippings or do we throw it away' ya know?

[Bow]

Oh yep, when you have the cleaning/tidying etc bug you don’t stop hey @Jynx ?! Mum and I did the garage last week and we came in for a drinks break and I was like, don’t sit for too long, must keep going! 

im like that too… once something…. OR someone wakes me up in the morning, it is very rare that I am able to get back to sleep. 

oi! 7am is very rude! Pretty sure ya ain’t allowed to start doing that until 8am of a weekend here? I’ve literally had everything ready and waiting for the clock to tick over to 8am (I was in the mood for it so don’t make me wait any longer than I have to or I won’t feel like doing it!)

Yeah….. and sometimes mum makes me feel like it’s all on me. Like it’s my choice. I also think mum is partly in the mindset that she throwing things out cause she is getting on in age and only keeping things if I want them when she goes. That doesn’t feel nice. Those decisions. Ya still here mum. We can declutter when that time comes. Not now 😩

and then I have appointments like today…. And tomorrow too, where I know I am gonna be bombarded with even more questions. Not always ones that come with… hmm outcomes etc. but it’s just questions that I gotta find answers for in my head. 

hmm yeah maybe I could try that with mum. Ask her to leave things on the side. 
yeah she tends to want decisions made now and then…. When really it can wait. 

[Jynx]

@Bow it was actually probably 8am now I think about it but since I usually wake up much later, pretty much anything before 9am is a CRIME. 

Ohhhh wow that is a trip hey. My grandma is getting a bit like that, you know like 'Thanks for visiting, hope it wasn't the last time!' like oh cool thanks for the gut punch I guess? 🙃 

I know it's pretty confronting to be met with hey. I try to remind myself that this is their way of dealing with their death anxiety. Your mum's biggest concern is 'will my daughter be okay when I'm gone' but like... by worrying so much about your future without her, feels like she's robbing you both of the time you do have left. Maybe it's something you and your mum can talk about? 

Like, finding that middle ground where you can give her space to talk about it if she needs (which can be hard when death is a taboo topic to a certain degree), whilst also taking the time to focus on the joys you can still share. It could be a matter of boundaries too, like saying to your mum that you do want to give space to this topic, but that you are dealing with too much to also have to manage it being brought up so casually all the time. 

You can definitely flag in your appts that you have decision fatigue!! That way your supports are less likely to bombard you and can focus on your current needs instead of the future ones. What do you reckon?

[Bow]

Watch these shows and wish that was me

[Bow]

@Jynx ?

[Jynx]

@Bow where did Monday go? It's over already? Booooooo. 

Chat again soon hun, sending many huggles 🫂🫂🫂