Life can be a Pain

[BlueBay]

Thinking of you my friend @Owlunar 

Take care 

hugs snd love your way xxxooo 

[Owlunar]

Thanks @BlueBay @outlander @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Codex1 @Anastasia @Emelia8 

@Appleblossom 

I'm still here and battling - my shoulder pain has increased out of all thought from my anxiety preceding my aunt's death and then the grief since and now - life goes down as they say - my daughter has to have a spinal fusion

I actually can deal with anxiety pretty well psychologically - I have had enough events through my life - but my body seems to know the difference - I wrote last yesterday and didn't get back to finish and today the pain seems easier - there's not much I can do about it atm - my specialist is only dealing with patients through Telehealth and I have no desire to go to hospital for a fluid replacement right now with the some private hospitals needing to take public patients - I can wait my turn. The system is overwhelmed and as my daughter and I go to the same private hospital I would not want to take her place certainly

Anyway - I will email my specialist on Monday to put him in the picture - I have enough medication for now but they need to know how much pain we are in - and that's sensible

I am okay - the taxi driver I had yesterday wanted happiness - to him happiness was the main aim - that's okay - my life has had a wide variety of experiences and I think resilience is what I have gained and I feel my life has been really worth living - I told him - and everyone is entitled to their opinion

Thanks for your message BlueBay - I think a few days away is exactly what you needed right now and all the best

And thinking of you too Em - not easy - certainly not having a spinal fusion and I can say - it's not easy when my daughter is having one either. I'm glad it's not me that's for sure. All the best for you too

Dec

[Former-Member]

Oh @Owlunar, I wish I could wave the wand and take that pain for both you and your daughter. It's a lot to carry alongside your grief 💙

I hear you re. resilience vs happiness, where I'd take resilience over happiness any day, but I wonder if they need to be mutually exclusive? Food for thought 😊

[Owlunar]

No  @Former-Member 

Happiness and resilience are not mutually exclusive but with luck some people can just be happy - I guess it depends on attitude and experience

Personally I have found happiness through resilience - even during my worst moments I have found going outside first thing on a summer morning glorious: a thunderstorm - magnificent: my friend bringing me flowers - an unexpected kindness: realising how being a difficult child for my controlling mother gave me strength - a powerful moment.

Perhaps these could amount to blessedness - my life has been a battle but I think I am winning. Certainly - as an adult I am glad I had the strength to stand up to my mother

Thanks for that insightful comment

Dec

[Emelia8]

@Owlunar   thinking of you and hoping your shoulder pain remains bearable as you await your next procedure. 💕🦉

[Former-Member]

And thank you for your insight, @Owlunar. There was something in what you wrote there that really struck a chord for me. You are a wise one.

[BlueBay]

Thinking of you @Owlunar and your daughter. 
xxxooo

[Appleblossom]

@Owlunar 

Wishing your daughter the best with her spinal fusion.... 

and @Emelia8 too. Takes courage and grit to get through.

Good to hear from you, despite the difficulties.  Yes it is the resilience that can make a difference, make the sweet sensationsmore precious.   Going beyond the blandness of positivity  it can give definition to the meaning of life. 

I am reflecting a lot too, and still feel I made the best decisions I could given my circumstances.  I was probably too easy for my mother.  She could have appreciated it, but she was a "top dog" type as my uncle said.  Motherhood, as we both know is a complicated journey.  

Cheers

Apple

[Zoe7]

Hey @Owlunar Checking in to see how you are travelling?

[Owlunar]

Hi @Zoe7 @Appleblossom 

I am  managing okay psychologically but the pain is getting worse - I have sent an email to my specialist to keep in touch about the situation but I doubt anything can be done about it at the moment

I spoke to the Nursing Home where my uncle is and I sent him an email - they will read it to him. They know who I am now and I will send little notes in cards every so often and keep in touch with him even if he doesn't know who I am

It will be great to travel again - right now my shoulder is hurting too much to think about travelling - and of course it's not my favourite idea to expose myself to  COVID and maybe take it into the Nursing Home - that would be terrible

Life does go on - I'm concerned about my daughter - she doesn't want to talk about her spinal fusion so I can let her have that right - there's not much to say anyway - what could I say except that I understand and I have already said that often

Thanks for the messages - controlling mother - yes Apple - I was a tough cookie for my mother - she had no idea what she had in her nest - I am really glad for my ''attitude" - I don't think it was a competition but I certainly feel better about myself because I did give her a hard time. I was only a child at the beginning anyway.

What can we really know about our mothers. Mine had a pretty tough life really but - yeah - but - that was happened

And right now I am reading The Women's Room - I have read it before - several times - the copy fell apart in time and I have a new one now. I did live that life - perhaps with more self-awareness than the narrator - not the author - I'm pretty sure she knew what she was writing about. Have you read it?

Thanks again

Dec