Hello @Rosemary4 and other members visiting this thread
Thank you for your reply and discussion. Regarding the internal barrier, as in head/psyche, it seems to me that my hoarding behaviour is more of a present manifestation, reaction, or set of reactions or involuntary responses {as distinct from appropriate responses} to issues imprinted on my mind, in and from the past. It is my set of actions in the present that seem to be guided or exhibited as a result of continued mall-adaptive reactions, in the present, as if those past events are still 'in play' in this present.
My reactions, exhibited in the present, are likely to be associated with a sense of loss or deprivation, built up over a significant period of time in the past. Up till recently, I had thought of certain events and periods in my life to have been relatively "normal". But, it appears, that even what we may consider to be, or to have been normal, in our own minds, may subsequently, result in significantly adverse effects in our lives, through behaviours that are no longer appropriate for our present situation(s). This, I understand, is the continued mall-adaptive behaviour that may, in the past, have been useful to us in some way. Because we continue to apply such behaviours in our present, often in very different situations, we may be reacting inappropriately in and to those present situations. Such reactions may be those to which we have been conditioned, or have conditioned ourselves to react in the past.
To deal with the hoarding problem, I believe that I have to deal with those long standing issues from the past and differentiate them from issues and situations in the present. By establishing a new mindset, I hope to develop new, more beneficial behaviour patterns that will replace the hoarding behaviour. Until I am able to do this, I am not likely to change the behaviour that leads to accumulation of "stuff". I believe that will be the situation, even if I make some possibly superficial attempts to fix the problem by throwing out some "stuff". I believe that I have to deal with the problem, before I can deal with the symptoms.
Like you, I do have some issues "over any shared utensils, taps, door handles" etc,. particularly in public access areas. However, this was the case even before covid. I think that I am really just very careful. For example, I will use something that I know is likely to be clean, such as a sheet of paper towel, to open a door, after which the paper is disposed of. To me, this is just normal behaviour in environments where others may not practice the same or similar hygiene habits to my own. I don't think that my habits with regard to hygiene have changed significantly because of covid. If anything I have been pleased that emphasis on improved public hygiene has been implemented. When these requirements diminish, I will continue to practice my own defensive hygiene habits.
I don't think that you are so weird @Rosemary4
With Best Wishes
@HenryX
